OC Newsletter 7: The Tyranny of Should-

-Blinds Us to What Is.

Last month (Newsletter 5), I talked about letting go.  One exercise for learning what you may need to let go is to list the things you think you should have accomplished by now or that you should be doing regularly.  What are your shoulds?  

The problem with should is that it primes us for guilt and creates stress around outcomes that don't synch with reality– I should be farther in my career, I should be in better shape, I should…  We spin the internal wheel of dissatisfaction without taking other action.  

The shoulds blind us to accepting where we are in the moment. The antidote to should is accepting where you are right now.  In navigation, you can’t get to where you want to go if you don’t know exactly where you are. 

​Once we accept where we are and have a little gratitude for what we’re doing well (Newsletter 1),  then we can decide what we will do next with an open mind.  And maybe it’s nothing.  Maybe the should is someone else’s expectations that you can decide not to own.  

At the organizational level, shoulds become much more dangerous.  

When organizations become wedded to the outcome that should result from a policy, program, or strategy, they are blind to what actually is -or isn’t- happening.  People double down on the work that was supposed to produce their desired result without accepting that the results aren’t there.  Should keeps them locked into dysfunctional hope for the intended outcome.  The shoulds turn into finger-pointing, blaming outside circumstances, adjacent organizations, or even the target population for not submitting to the plan.  (For more extreme examples, note that both Trump and Putin struggle to accept that their opponents (Iran and Ukraine) are far more resilient than they want them to be. )

Where do the Shoulds show up for you and your organization?  When you let go of should, where does your “You Are Here” sign point?

Find a Way,

Ryan